Re-Imagining Evangelism Book Discussion
Chapter 4
The Art of Spiritual Friendship
Talking about faith is not neutral... and especially in San Francisco, many people consider Christianity to be the root of all sorts of evils. Many of our friends have been hurt by Christians or the church in their hometowns and have fled to the city to escape. I remember one of my friends at the gym saying to me: "Matt, when I found out you were a Christian, I was wary of you... and when I found out you were a pastor I didn't talk to you for 6 weeks." Wow! Now, after three years, we're good friends. What themes do we learn from stories like this?
1) Prior question of trust
Recognize that many of your friends have good reasons for viewing Jesus and the church negatively. Whether real or imagined, there are all sorts of negative experiences and assumptions that inform people's views of the gospel. So, we have to meet people in their questions and mistrust. Anticipate it and enter into it. I met a guy yesterday and as we spoke about the church, he leaned back and said, "I've met all sorts of weird and crazy Christians who were really hurtful people..."I had a choice: I could minimize his statement: "it's not that bad," ignore his statement: "whatever," or enter into his statement, "tell me about it..."
2) Develop genuine friendships while doing what you love
I went from avoided to befriended by my friend at the gym because we were doing something we loved together-playing basketball. And as we played, we got to know each other better and build a friendship. On page 68, Richardson asks: What do you love to do? How can you do what you love with people who don't know Jesus yet?
3) Being vulnerable
Letting someone fill a need you have is a way of being vulnerable. So is sharing your doubts, hurts, and struggles. Our friends don't need to see another polished Christian with a veneer of self-sufficient togetherness. In fact, most of my skeptical friends say that's a huge turn off to Christian faith because (1) it comes across as disingenuous: "Really? You don't have any struggles or worries? Yeah, right!" and (2) it comes across as an unrealistic goal for their lives: "Maybe you are a put-together Christian... I could never do that, so this must not be for me." I spoke with a member of City Church last week who works in an organization that openly derides Christians, and most of her peers know she's a Christian. Slowly, their tone is changing... not because she is perfectly put together, but because they get to see how a Christian handles job-related stress, how she seeks to do her job with excellence because she's a Christian, and how she cares for others with whom she disagrees. Seeing her in the day-to-day, up-and-down reality of life is becoming instructional and attractive.
As we anticipate and listen to our friends who have real reasons for mistrusting the gospel, enjoy our friends while doing things we love to do together, and share our faith and lives with vulnerability and authenticity, we will find fresh and exciting opportunities to be good friends with others who are on a spiritual journey.
It's your turn: Please comment on the fourth chapter! And if you haven't already, order the book! Check back next week as we discuss Chapter 5: The Power of Story.