As we continue our "Who We Are" series, we have grown a bit younger this week--which is just where we want to be. I talked with Rev. Julie Van Til and Rev. Dan Gannon about how City Church thinks about and shapes the culture around children and teenagers. Our youngest attendees are with us in the service, but do a lot of meeting and studying and praying on their own. We wanted you to have an understanding of why we do what we do, what we're learning, and why the spiritual growth of children and teenagers must be taken just as seriously as any adult's.
What is the vision for families and children at City Church?
We hope to see families practicing conversation, liturgies and service together in order to shape their identity and purpose as God's children in the world. Along the way, we fully expect the process of childhood and parenthood to give us plenty of "spiritual formation" opportunity - surrender, confession, humility and brokenness on the road to resurrection, forgiveness, grace and abundant life. What better way to do this than together, creating a supportive community that can be shared with our neighbors and friends?
What do you want families to understand about partnering with the church for their child's spiritual growth?
Ultimately, we'd like to see families embrace the fact that the home is the primary source of spiritual development. Whether we like it or not, liturgies and behaviors from the moment we get up shape us for the day. For instance, does the to-do list drive your family from the moment you wake up? Did you brush your teeth? Comb your hair? Pack your bag? These are all important things to get families out the door, but we need to check in with each other as people, check in with God as people, in order to recognize our humanity and purpose right from the beginning of the day. We'd like to partner with families so that what we offer at church echos life-giving patterns, behaviors and liturgies at home.
We can so often discount the faith development of children, waiting until they get older to give them credit for being able to learn the nuances of the Christian story. Why do we take the spiritual development of children so seriously at City Church?
I would root our understanding of the dignity of children in our understanding of baptism. In the Reformed tradition, we baptize children--babies--long before they're able to decide anything for themselves, because we believe that God has chosen them, and they are already part of the story. As Calvin said, the Holy Spirit has planted a seed of faith in them. We're responsible for nurturing that faith from the first moments by joining the conversation God is already having with them.
Practically speaking, we feel a tension all the time as parents and church leaders to teach kids how to behave correctly and learn the right answers. Instead of reducing complex bible stories to moral instructions, however, we lean into the stories themselves, welcoming children into the history of God's people and their place in God's story. We often find that the Holy Spirit meets the children in their questions, revealing similar conclusions to those we might have "taught" but instead said from their own mouths! How meaningful it is to watch that process of discovery. As children revisit stories later in the curriculum, their development will allow them to ask different kinds of questions as they're ready for them.
What do we adults have to learn from children in our own spiritual journeys?
Watching children explore with wonder helps us face our inhibitions. The images we've created for ourselves and try to protect so often keep us away from the many possibilities of image-bearing in God. We need a "holy imagination" to try on different ways God might want us to represent Gods' self.
We also learn that God loves engagement. As soon as we feel we've gotten all the answers we need to be Christian or to believe in God, adults tend to take the manual in hand and move on. Children and teens converse, ask, challenge, and live wholeheartedly. They tend to be all or nothing. In a way, you can't sustain that intensity of passion, but that all or nothing--either this matters or it doesn't--is actually a philosophical reality that should wake us up. You can't believe in something you don't live out.
Children also remind us about the importance of seasons. Adults can re-learn that God has patience with us as we grow. We expect that from children and teens, but it's true for us, too. We call this whole stage "adulthood", after age 22 or so, but there should be about 6 different phases to this time of life so we can be reminded that we're humbly going through more stages with a patient, faithful God.
From middle and high school students, especially, we can remember the importance of community and fun. Our YUTES (middle and high school youth group) meet together every Sunday morning, but we also start to do more with each other. We take time in retreats during the year and cultivate friendships over meals. Many of these kids are incredibly busy, so the time they do spend with church friends is extremely valuable. They invest in each other richly, and in their leaders, too.
How do we become more and more the kind of church in which families, single people, and everyone in between can build community?
One of the most important ideas here is this notion, from Kara Powell's Sticky Faith, that kids need about five adults (not their parents) at church who know them in order for them to be more likely to hold onto their faith into adulthood. This starts with kids being known and greeted by name, having teachers look them in the eye and welcome them. The more we can get kids and families involved in our service opportunities, that will continue to foster relationships. Some of the family Community Groups are doing a great job of having kids develop friendships with other children in the church that are outside of that one hour every Sunday.
I know people in CGs who don't have kids and will go over and spend a date night at someone's house who does have kids, either together around the dinner table or as a baby-sitter to allow the couple to get some time alone. We're figuring out ways to live alongside each other, to see how people at different stages of life can bless each other by showing each other options for faithful life here in San Francisco.
Church youth groups can be tricky to figure out, especially in an urban and mostly secular place like San Francisco. What does that look like for middle and high schoolers at City Church?
One of the things we want to make sure to pay attention to is the role of older kids and teenagers within the church. We get to care for many infants and children through Family Ministries, but there are also a lot of middle and high school students whose spiritual growth is being fostered at City Church. At our last middle school retreat, we had fourteen kids, and they attended thirteen different schools. For many of these kids growing up in San Francisco, they don't know anyone else at their school who is a Christian. There is no Christian subculture there, so part of what we need to do is create a culture of acceptance in our context.
There are students whose families are coming for the first time, students who have been raised in the church, and students at every spot in the journey in between. Because of that, we make a point of trying to encourage them to learn to think theologically rather than coming up with the best-sounding answer to questions they might have about God and their faith.